Hi beautiful human,
How are you? How are things at your place? Are you enjoying the Sunday morning drinking your favorite beverage, reading your favorite book, waiting in anticipation for the newsletter to land in your inbox?
I hope that you are. I hope that you are healthy, happy, and healing wherever you are. I hope that the dream you are working for is coming to reality soon. I, your cheerleader is here for you whenever you need a boost of inspiration.
Today is a tough day for me. I am feeling physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained right now. I am being honest and vulnerable here. This might trigger you off and you know the drill - read it when you have the emotional bandwidth to read it.
The last three days have been heavy for me. I am physically down with a cold and headache that seems to occur in random spurts. I am emotionally down with the current circumstances unfolding in my life. I am mentally processing information that I received a few days back. I am feeling spiritually disconnected to the Source/Soul/God/Guidance whatever you call it or don’t. Human life is feeling more difficult these days.
I am feeling a deep disconnection. Not just with the Guidance, but from myself and other people. I am here and I am not here. I feel like I cannot feel fully present, grounded, and safe in the moments that I am living. It is difficult to navigate these times. I have tried meditation, writing, talking, but nothing is helping me out right now. The thoughts continue to trouble me in my practices. I know it is human and I am still learning.
These observations have helped me think about my own fallacies. I used to believe that things get easier when you transcend one level. But, they don’t. The previous level might be easier but life has already filled you in the new level. The new level is going to be more challenging. The new level will pose new problems. You will need new solutions to rise and tackle this level. Life is a journey to continuously evolve, change, build, and create yourself. Life gets better every time you cross one level. The concept is as simple as playing Candy Crush, life maybe not be that simple though.
It is funny to observe my thinking patterns back from my childhood days. I used to play the damsel in distress in my little world. I believed that my life is ruined and I have no control over it. I knew I could still do everything, though life seemed to move in an autopilot mode. Whenever something even remotely bad happened, I would wish if someone could come and save me.
Looking back, I realize how wrong I was! I was looking for a savior all this time. I could be that savior for me. In childhood, we all have beliefs that may disempower us. I can only imagine the kind of demons my younger self could see. I am wiser and experienced now. And this realization is not the first of its kind, yet a profound one. Are you also looking for someone to save you?
After all these years, I know that person was supposed to be me. It couldn’t have been anyone else. Nobody else could save me from my misery except me. Nobody else could do the work to change my life. Nobody else could do that. People can help you walk your journey for some time but they will leave. In the end, the only person we have is ourselves. So, let’s be honest with ourselves about it. This is one of those things that nobody tells you when you are growing up. I don’t know how my life would have been different had I known this. I might have not abandoned myself in moments when I felt alone, deprived, sad, angry, guilty, ashamed, frustrated, irritated, humiliated, anxious, enraged, or depressed. But, who knows the alternative reality?
Let’s not go there. Let’s stay here in the present moment. Let’s stay right here, right now. Let’s feel all the feelings we have been repressing. Let’s wish healing for ourselves. Let’s be kind and compassionate to ourselves for rocking this solo journey. That you are reading this newsletter, is a sign that you have done some pretty awesome things in life that led you here. Appreciate yourself for that. Hold space for yourself. Allow the emotions to come and release them. The comfort and satisfaction will fill you up pretty soon.
I know this newsletter is not like the rest of the newsletters. Tough times for your writer friend these days.
Thank you for holding space for me! Cheers to you, for being my cheerleader.
Take care, beautiful human.
Stay safe, stay sane,
Love and Light,
Your writer friend, Shubhangi.